Welcome, my name is Matt. I'm 18 and I have no life, so don't worry I'm on here a lot.

22nd July 2014

Photo reblogged from Adorkable Randomness with 473,840 notes

chevy-raised-jack-daniels-fed:

merrymaudlin:

mercurykiss:

thugburrito:

My faith in pizza guys has gone up 123%

NO LET ME TELL YOU A STORYSo a few weeks ago I was in a hotel in Savannah with my grampa in the hospital next door, Mom was over staying with him, and the battery in the smoke detector went out so every 5 minutes it would let off this loud, high pitched ‘CHIRP’.It was annoying as fuck, so I called the front desk to see if they had a battery for it, and they said the only thing they could do was change rooms. We’d already settled in for the night, and needed the next door rooms for my uncles the next day, so I said I’d deal. My uncles had my car in the next town over, so I couldn’t drive and get one myself.An hour later, I’m ordering pizza and have gone insane because the damn thing CHIRPS. SO. MUCH.So I begged the pizza guy on the phone to stop and get me a battery, told him I’d pay for the battery, and give him an extra tip for it, and he was chill with it. This adorable fucker gets to my room with the battery, opens it, asks to see the smoke detector, CLIMBS ON THE BED, CHANGES THE BATTERY FOR ME, and tests it.My pizza was only 20 dollars, but I gave him 40 and told him to keep the change.

I am clearly not fully utilizing my pizza delivery person…..

What’s next pizza delivery hitmen

chevy-raised-jack-daniels-fed:

merrymaudlin:

mercurykiss:

thugburrito:

My faith in pizza guys has gone up 123%

NO LET ME TELL YOU A STORY
So a few weeks ago I was in a hotel in Savannah with my grampa in the hospital next door, Mom was over staying with him, and the battery in the smoke detector went out so every 5 minutes it would let off this loud, high pitched ‘CHIRP’.

It was annoying as fuck, so I called the front desk to see if they had a battery for it, and they said the only thing they could do was change rooms. We’d already settled in for the night, and needed the next door rooms for my uncles the next day, so I said I’d deal. My uncles had my car in the next town over, so I couldn’t drive and get one myself.

An hour later, I’m ordering pizza and have gone insane because the damn thing CHIRPS. SO. MUCH.

So I begged the pizza guy on the phone to stop and get me a battery, told him I’d pay for the battery, and give him an extra tip for it, and he was chill with it. This adorable fucker gets to my room with the battery, opens it, asks to see the smoke detector, CLIMBS ON THE BED, CHANGES THE BATTERY FOR ME, and tests it.

My pizza was only 20 dollars, but I gave him 40 and told him to keep the change.

I am clearly not fully utilizing my pizza delivery person…..

What’s next pizza delivery hitmen

21st July 2014

Post reblogged from TotallyCool with 293,596 notes

capitolhillofficial:

beyourself-screwsociety:

capitolhillofficial:

beyoncevevo:

only lesbians can see this post if u see this post u r a lesbian

I’m a 20 year old boy why can I see this post

You’re a lesbian.

how do I tell my boyfriend 

Source: beyoncevevo

21st July 2014

Photoset reblogged from Adorkable Randomness with 88,391 notes

Source: iraffiruse

21st July 2014

Photoset reblogged from lord of the game with 74,398 notes

l0st-b0i:

deathdayparty:

Friends appreciating friends.

I love bobby.

Source: donrickles

21st July 2014

Post reblogged from Adorkable Randomness with 287,879 notes

sherrocked:

My dad just yelled “I SWEAR I’LL CUT OFF WHAT’S LEFT OF YOUR DICK IF YOU FUCKING TOUCH MY COKE DON’T YOU DARE” and I came in the room like what the fuck and it was my dad holding up a shoe and my cat sitting by a glass of coca-cola with his paw almost touching inside of it and both of them didn’t even break eye contact with each other

Source: amovible

21st July 2014

Photoset reblogged from TotallyCool with 77,906 notes

pokepuffs:

these are the pictures i live for

Source: pokepuffs

20th July 2014

Post reblogged from Previously Toastor. with 678,126 notes

elimin8theimpossible:

cricsyxo:

divinedorothy:

egotastical:

divinedorothy:

bisexual people aren’t more likely to cheat in relationships but we are more likely to cheat at cards, while lesbians are most likely to cheat at jenga, and genderqueer people often cheat at mario kart

how the fuck do you cheat at jenga

ask a lesbian

image

this is never not funny

Source: divinedorothy

20th July 2014

Post reblogged from TotallyCool with 292,068 notes

masserror:

theatrefetish:

thegirlwithkittyears:

thegirlwithkittyears:

people who wear pants past 7 are not the kind of people i associate with

jesus christ i’m getting hate over this because people are putting the word ‘size’ in there when thats not what i was saying

7:00 P.M.

AS IN THE FUCKING TIME

I thought you meant past age 7 and I was rly confused

"Happy birthday son. Since you’re eight now it’s time you learn about kilts.”

Source: j0ye

18th July 2014

Photo reblogged from it could've been something more with 236,088 notes

rebornica:


dualitydiscretion:

rebornica:

Close enough

talk dirty to me

IM GONNA PISS MYSELF IN THIS RESTAURANT

rebornica:

dualitydiscretion:

rebornica:

Close enough

talk dirty to me

IM GONNA PISS MYSELF IN THIS RESTAURANT

Source: rebornica

18th July 2014

Photo reblogged from lolwut. with 511,287 notes

foreveralone-lyguy:

dragonyuri1:

now this is what i like to see… if i’m gonna buy some fancy new Strong Product i wanna see it beat the weaker version of itself into total useless garbage…… its called innovation and i’ve never been so happy to be a capitalist…

foreveralone-lyguy:

dragonyuri1:

now this is what i like to see… if i’m gonna buy some fancy new Strong Product i wanna see it beat the weaker version of itself into total useless garbage…… its called innovation and i’ve never been so happy to be a capitalist…

image

Source: weirdnessisgood